Funny Stories

These are some of the favorite stories of the controllers at Eugene.

On Grass...
Several years ago I was working Local control when Ground taxied an aircraft to Runway 34 intersection A5. The pilot said he was unfamiliar, and asked where to do a run-up. Ground instructed him "Ahead and to your right, just beyond the grass." The pilot acknowledged and we both resumed working other airplanes. Next thing we know, there is a huge cloud of dust in the vicinity of A5! Both somewhat startled, we notice the unfamiliar Cessna is on the grass island running up his engine! Ground asked him if everything was okay, and why he was off of the pavement. The pilot replied, "You told me to just be on the grass." - Dan Potts, EUG ATCT

Immediately...
Many years ago the following conversation took place while I was working Local control at SJC...
N4VT - San Jose Tower, Cessna 714VT ready at 30 right.
Me - Cessna 714VT San Jose Tower, cleared for immediate take-off, traffic on base.
N4VT - Y-y-y-y-you w-w-w-want m-m-m-me to m-m-m-make an im-m-m-m-midiate?
Me - NEGATIVE! Hold Short of the runway!

Animal House...

The following transmission is from San Francisco Ground Control in the mid 80's...
GC - TWA 23 bear to the right as the taxiway snakes to the left, taxi to the aux ramp. <pause> It's a zoo out there!

Picture Perfect...

The same controller as above, after returning from a month's vacation, got a busy session on Local Control his first day back. Little did he know that his mike was stuck in the transmit position when he said the following. It got real quiet on the frequency when he unkeyed the mike...
LC - Man! This picture is moving too fast for my brain to keep up with!

Is that a choice or an instruction???

From a different Local Controller at SFO tower...
LC - PSA1632 hold in position, cleared for immediate take-off!

Formation flying...

One day while working Local Control at SFO I had PSA MD-80s in position on both runway 1R and 1L. After landing traffic cleared the intersection I cleared both for take-off. As they went rolling down the runway, pretty much exactly side by side a voice comes over the frequency that says, "V1". This is followed in quick succession by "VR" and "Rotate" at which time they both lifted the nose as one. Then came "Gear up" and again in unison the gear retracted. Last but not least was "Turn, now" followed by the planes each making a 30 degree turn away from each other at precisely the same time. Man, when I grow up I want to be as sharp as a PSA pilot!

More PSA hijinks...

Two PSA MD-80s were taxiing to their gates on converging taxiways. One had been instructed to follow the other and slowed as he approached the intersection, but didn't quite stop. As the cockpits passed at close range you hear one of the pilots on the radio saying, "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?"

It's over there...

Once while riding jump seat in a PSA BAe-146 inbound to Eugene we were a few miles from the airport on downwind with the Captain was explaining to the new First Officer where the airport was, "Out there northwest of town by that lake", but no one could see it yet. About that time we hear the approach controller clearing a Cherokee for an ILS approach on a 10 mile final. The Captain immediately grabs the mike, and reports the airport in sight for a visual approach. The controller clears us for the visual and ships us to the tower. The FO says in amazement, "Oh, you have it in sight now?" To which the Captain replies, "No, but I know where it is, and I don't want to be behind that Cherokee!"

Tongue tied...

A good friend uttered the following to a traffic watch aircraft she wanted to fly over highway 101 near SFO...
LC - "Overfry the beeshore fleaway."

This page last modified on 02.08.05 .